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The Real War

Every day is a different struggle, a different battle.
Some days I awake, a smile on my face, knowing I will conquer myself. Yet others I wake up knowing I have already lost.
I have been fighting this internal war my entire life; some battles I win, some I lose. But I know when I wake up tomorrow, the war will continue.
It’s never easy. Some days the enemy creeps up on me slowly. My heart rate will climb and I wind up stuck in my mind, falling down a rabbit hole of bombs. Each bomb is a different thought, situation, or thing that will surely be my impending doom. I am falling down the hole – grasping for anything to hold on to. I need something to keep from falling deeper and deeper…
Those days are spent with a broom and cleaning rag in my hands. I turn myself into Cinderella, keeping my hands busy to distract my mind from itself.
Keep the walls from closing in.
Then there are the good days. On the good days I am most myself. On the good days I am unstoppable. I deflect each attack and each bomb with my bare hands. Nothing can bring me down. I walk with my shoulders high, chin up, and a bright smile on my face. I am radiant, charismatic, and happy. So happy.
I wish I could win every battle.
I don’t know when the war started, or why.
I don’t know how to control it.
How do I stop the war?


Just a simple human trying to pass the ultimate test.

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