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And so it appears, I cannot keep myself from dreaming of your lips. They haunt me, everything about them; the fullness of your bottom lip, the softness of them as they caress my own. I dream of their taste and texture. I dream of your hands on my face while you kiss me. I dream of you holding my body against yours as the tip of your tongue grazes along my bottom lip. My eyes are closed and I moan as I imagine your lips on mine. My heart flutters as I imagine connecting to you. Instead of wishing you were here with outstretched hands, fingertips searching for you, you are in my arms and I am in yours.

I crave you. I long for you.

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What Normal People Don’t Know

Normal people, however bland, live life a little easier than some of us…and they don’t even know it! I’m one of those anxious people. I do my best not to be, and I put myself in the “fun place” in social scenarios. I go through crowds of people mingling without a care. I genuinely enjoy going out and being social. But here’s what normal people don’t know about people with anxiety. We have to literally put ourselves into the ‘fun place.’ We’re not naturally there. Naturally we wake up, if we slept that night, and wonder if it will be a good day or bad day. I’ve noticed that normal people don’t do that! Weird.

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The Rain Dream

Rain falls against my window, and I imagine I’m with you. We’re lying together, a silhouette of our bodies on the wall, gently gliding and touching each other. A clap of thunder strikes and my pulse quickens with yours, pressing our lips together, manoeuvring them to part. We’re wrapped in each others bodies now. The silhouette of two bodies is now one. Your lips caress my neck and the rain tap tap taps the window. The scent of your skin and the rumble of the rain put me into a trance. Suddenly I’m high, losing control of my body. I’m not calculating my moves, I’m simply making them. My fingertips gently trace the muscles on your back, as yours trace my inner thigh. My legs open for you. The taste of your kiss is on my lips, I touch them.
And with one loud clap of thunder, I’m awake. You’re not here. I touch my lips, somehow still feeling your kiss.

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At Night

My heart shudders each time I think of just your name. To feel your lips on mine, to taste the tip of your tongue, melts my ice cold heart into a puddle at my toes. I have longed for this love my whole life; to have you briefly would be but a tear drop of paradise. Yet each day I have walked this earth numb, with embers of pain below the surface, burning slowly yet never ending. The numbness protects me from knowing that you’re not mine. I ignore the embers for the blandness that is normal life. Yet when I sleep at night, your kiss haunts me. Your touch sets my body ablaze. At night I can close my eyes and see yours looking back at me. Passion pulses through me, like a vibration that shoots fire from my finger tips. Your arms close around me and your lips brush against mine. My whole body tingles against yours and I breathe, “I love you.” Because when I close my eyes at night, you are mine.

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As I watch the cherry drag on this cigarette, smoke floats into the air. I feel the music as our love pounds in my chest, pulsing throughout my body. As you sit down next to me I feel more at ease. I haven’t been this relaxed in years. I bring the cigarette to my lips again, staring out at the trees from your balcony. You light up and make a joke about your neighbors, and take your first puff with a smile. I can’t help but steal kisses between puffs because your lips are just so delicious! I suddenly feel the warmth of your kiss in my blood, forcing a shudder from deep within me. Kissing you always sends my mind reeling and suddenly I’m 15 with butterflies in my stomach again. I’m not sure how you do it, but your kiss always intoxicates me. You put your cigarette out as you stand up, reaching out for me to take your hand. I take your hand and you throw me inside, closing the door behind you, and push me against the wall all at once. Before I know it, your body is against me, and your lips are moving against mine. I gasp for air as you pick me up and wrap my legs around your waist. Carrying me to your room, I wrap my arms around your neck and kiss you deeply. A moan escapes me as you bite my lower lip. Slamming the door and throwing me onto the bed, you turn to me and smile.

“What do you want?” You say, taking your shirt off and walking toward me slowly. I catch my breath and smile back.

“Oh I’m just going to sleep.” You ease yourself onto me and laugh.

“You can sleep tomorrow.”

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The Broken Road

Oh broken heart,
so sweet, so shattered.
In their eyes, it never really mattered.
Yet you see in your own eyes, in your soul.
All those that needed you, pleaded with you, left.
Kicking a cloud of dust in your face.
Now you are left, with only a bitter brokenness taking their place.
How did your path come to this?
on this broken road,
and are now wishing to explode.
Carry your ground upon your shoulders.
That burning desire, it smolders.
How have you seen so much,
yet you have missed that gentle touch?
Bring your sorrows to life.
Ink to paper.
Pour it all out like waves of steel.
Young girl,
heart like a fishing reel.
Where are you headed,
where have you been?
Such questions are embedded in dust,
sure to show themselves again.
But sweet friendship,
these lies you have seen.
They come and go,
proving you are alone.
Alone in the midst of a storm.
Burdening yourself with the broken heart you bury.
Ease your soul, young girl.
To recover, is not to hurry.

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The Tank

With every step she takes, she hears his name.

The small town she once loved is now the home of her every painful memory. Looking over her shoulder, there is a twinge of irony.

She strides like a tank, every move guarded.

All around her are reminders of the past.

Her heart is stumbling but her feet move faster and faster to the pace of her mind.

With each thought, one of her feet impales the ground.

She imagines the scars on her heart falling off as she runs, but the scars remain.

With the wind curling her hair and rocks jumping up under her feet, she feels the need to run forever.

Fear trembles through her body, beginning with her toes and reaching each cell within her.

Every molecule within her is seizing.

Her thoughts race, as do her feet. Her heart continues to stumble, tripping over itself.

Buildings and trees all around her are becoming a blur.

A voice whispers, “Keep running.”

Tears fall from her eyes and fly off her face as she runs; each one crashing to the ground.

A shield is forming around her stumbling heart.

In the middle of this shield is a crack.

She is becoming dependent on this shield and tank-like aura. Hoping the shield doesn’t split into two, she continues on.

The glass bottle she once trapped her emotions in has shattered, unable to handle the capacity of all she stuffed inside of it.

She is all she’s got.